BlueCarp

Rocky Mountain News reporter Betsy Lehndorff has a story on the arrest of 17 year old Caleb Pegues. He threw a plastic soda bottle filled with household products that "created a blast and burst of vapor" at his school.

Police arrested him.

The headline of the story reads: "Was explosive a kid's prank or a felony?"

The question implies that it was one or the other. It need not be. It can be both. On a Venn diagram, the set "kid's prank" and the set "felony" intersect. 

Pegues might have sincerely thought he was just pulling a prank. That does not excuse him from being convicted of a felony.

Good luck, kid.

Attorneys should sometimes just shut up. Pegues' attorney, Robert Wareham, was quoted in the story, "the problem is that teenage boys will be teenage boys."

Another problem is that sometimes teenage boys get convicted of felonies.

Another problem is that attorneys should not say silly things to newspaper reporters that might create ill-will toward their client.

Criminal defendants should always just shut up.

Pegues told authorities he was trying to break up a gathering of classmates who were celebrating April 20, National Pot Smokers Day. Marijuana irked him. "I just think it's stupid. I guess that is how I was raised," he said in an interview.

This, of course, begs the question "Was he raised to lob homemade bombs at people he didn't like?"

If you are ever arrested, or if the police just "want to ask you a few questions," get an attorney immediately. Do not volunteer any information. You will probably say something stupid like Pegues' did.

The only person that needs a criminal defense attorney more than a gulity person is an innocent person.

Posted by BlueCarp at 08:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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Here is a sentence from an Associated Press article I hope never applies to me:

"Work included reinserting his left eye, knocked out by the bear."

Do not feed the bears. Especially Grizzlies. Especially momma Grizzlies with baby Grizzlies. Do not take their picture, either.

Posted by BlueCarp at 12:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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The Denver City Council passed an ordinance reducing the allowable noise level from motorcycles in the city limits.

Denver Police Captain Eric Rubin had this to say about loud bikes:

"It's a significant enough problem. My sense is that the problem is worsening in downtown because more people are moving into the area. It has an active night life and a large residential base, which don't always mix well."

I think what the Captain is saying, in a diplomatic way, is that the noise level downtown is the same, but more whiners from the suburbs are moving downtown.

People, if you want a quiet place to live, do not move downtown. There are lots of people downtown. There are trains. There are ambulances with sirens. There are people. There are fire engines with sirens. There are cars. There are dogs. There are people. There are police cars with sirens. There is construction. There is a baseball stadium. There are people. There is an arena with basketball and hockey games in the winter. The same arena has indoor football, lacrosse and concerts in the summer. There are people. There is an amusement park. There are bars. There are restaurants. There are clubs. And, finally, there are people. Lots of them.

These things can be loud.

If you want quiet, move to Parker. That's why it is there.

COMING NEXT WEEK: If you do not like the sounds of airplanes taking off and landing, you should not move near the airport.

Posted by BlueCarp at 05:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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I am a fat guy. I do my best to keep my bare belly covered in public.

I ask all of my fat brothers and sisters to join me in this effort.

Please.

Posted by BlueCarp at 08:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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I love Denver's light rail system. The line is new and clean, and each shiny new station has an electronic message board. I assume the signs can be programmed with important messages. However, the only message I have ever seen says "Welcome to RTD."

If that is there only intended use, they could have achieved the same effect with a can of spraypaint and a sheet of plywood.

Posted by BlueCarp at 07:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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Don't try to sneak any extra items into the express lane. If you have to buy 11 items and the express lane limit is ten, you are ineligible. Buy a few more items and stand in the regular line.

The express line cash register should automatically turn itself off, print a receipt and demand payment when the maximum number of items is reached. Still have a bag of chips in your cart? Too bad. The stockboy will put it back.

There is no rule that says you must wait for everything to be scanned before you swipe you debit card and enter your PIN number. You can do that immediately.

If you still write an actual check, there is no hope for you. If your bank prints checks for you, they will give you a debit card. Writing checks at the grocery store is akin to putting leeches on your skin to cure an infection. It was accepted practice in the Dark Ages, but we all know better now.

And if you still do write checks at the grocery store, go ahead and fill in everything except the amount while you wait. There is no need to wait until everything is scanned and bagged before you decide to ask for a pen.

Put your grocery cart back into one of the corrals they have placed in the parking lot for your convenience. Don't just leave the cart in an empty parking spot or with one wheel wedged into some landscaping. Most of you can use the extra ten or twenty feet of walking anyway.  You really are not in that big of a hurry. Believe me, wherever you need to be will still be there after you return the cart to its appropriate place.

Posted by BlueCarp at 09:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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The proliferation of "organic" foods is the biggest scam since Gerber starting pimping life insurance for infants on late night television.

Target has boarded the "organic" train in an effort to squeeze extra cash out of yuppies with too much money. Wal-Mart already boarded the train in an effort to squeeze extra cash out of people that want to be yuppies with too much money.

Hey, if people want to eat food without pesticides let them eat worms. Tiny, microscopic worms buried deep in their "organic" apples that some gold old fashioned bug-killer would have taken care of.

If they want to eat food without preservatives, let their lettuce get all wilted the day after they put it in the crisper.

I have no scientific ability, but I grew up with a father with a Ph.D. in chemistry. What kind of chemistry? Organic chemistry.

To me, something is organic if it has a carbon atom as part of its molecular structure.

Nothing is more "organic" than a cow pie. No pesticides. No preservatives. And plenty of carbon atoms.

Forget real estate or the stock market. Throw some bite size Buffalo Chips into a shiny bag, label it "organic," put it on the shelf at Whole Foods and get rich.

Posted by BlueCarp at 02:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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