I spent a long weekend in Minnesota with the wife and our beautiful little girl. The Mrs. wanted to visit a college friend who recently had her own little girl. So, off we went.
I had heard many things about the Mall of America in Minneapolis. I can confirm that it, indeed, is a huge big-ass mall with a rollercoaster inside the building. That's about all there is to it.
It was not nearly as impressive as I had imagined a huge big-ass mall should be. Imagine any mall you have ever visited. This one is exactly like that one, just bigger. And with a rollercoaster.
My wife, her friend, her friend's husband, our two little girls, another college buddy without a little girl, and the other college buddy without a little girl's sister met at The Rainforest Grill inside the huge-ass mall.
The Rainforest Grill is a high concept restaurant. The concept is to get tourists visiting the huge-ass mall to come in and spend money on incredibly average food. They execute this concept with huge fish tanks with huge fish and fake jungle vines and trees throughout the establishment.
The waitstaff are all dressed like The Crocodile Hunter. Every so often, a fake rain storm takes place inside the fake rain forest. There is lightning, thunder and angry monkey cries. Everything a fake rain storm in a fake rain forest needs except water, fake or otherwise.
I did my part in playing along with the concept. I ordered a margarita and paid extra to get the fancy glass with the flashing lights in the bottom. Actually, the fancy glass was not glass at all, but plastic. The flashing lights were real.
After the old college buddies were done reliving the glory days, we bid farewell to the college buddy without a little girl (but with a sister) and to the sister.
The check from the Rainforest Grill had this printed on it
For your convenience a 17% gratuity will be added to all groups of 6 or more.
In fact, it had been.
I have no problem with automatically charging a gratuity to large groups. The Crocodile Hunter does not need to be stiffed by groups of 6 or more. However, it is disingenuous to claim that this automatic gratuity is done "for my convenience." It is not done for my convenience, or any other tourist that has found himself inside a fake rainforest nestled into a corner of a huge-ass mall.
The automatic gratuity is there so the Crocodile Hunter does not get stiffed by groups of 6 or more. Embrace the truth, denizens of the rain forest, embrace the truth.
