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June 03, 2007

More Academic Absurdity

It is not too hard to find an absurd statement these days.

With talk radio, internet blogs, and talking heads on cable news channels, absurdity is abundant.

Therefore, it takes a real inane comment to strike me as noteworthy.

Rob Pierratt is an undergraduate at Colorado State University, so I can cut him some slack. He is young. He still has time to cultivate some sense.

Pieratt has undertaken a laudable goal. He wishes to educate his fellow undergraduates about sexual assault. He wants men to know that sexually touching a drunk girl is assault.

He goes overboard, however, when he states "it's important for guys to know that anyone affected by alcohol cannot legally consent."

One drink of alcohol will affect a person. It does not render that person unable to consent.

Given his statement, what happens if two people are both affected by alcohol? Can neither consent? In that case, are they both guilty of assault? Or are neither guilty of assault?

I dare say that if we strictly applied Pieratt's theory, the birth rate in the U.S. would plummet.

He should have a drink.

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Update on Chief Sitting Cracker

University of Colorado Professor Ward Churchill, the white guy who poses as a Native American to further his agenda, is getting closer to his pink slip.

One would think that a professor caught scarlet fingered plagiarizing and fabricating his published works would have some dignity and accept his fate. Chief Sitting Cracker is smothered in gall. There is no room for dignity.

After what seems like years since his academic theft and creative writing came to light, CU President Hank Brown has recommended Sitting Cracker be fired.

The recommendation now goes to the University Board of Regents. They have the final say.

Churchill says that if he is fired, he will sue.

Of course he will. He is without shame. There is nothing more pathetic than a guilty man fighting the truth all the way to the gallows.

 

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More Odds & Ends

Underwear Update

As previously discussed on this page, a panty bandit was arrested in Fort Collins. Chih Hsien Wu has been charged with stealing about 1300 women’s undergarments from apartment complex laundries.

Victims of the thefts were allowed to come and reclaim their property yesterday. Twelve ladies came to identify their lacies and frillies. Eleven made positive identification and reclaimed their items.

What happened to the twelfth girl’s panties? If the panty pilferer did not take them, did she leave them somewhere? How do you lose your underwear? Can her mother show her face in public? Do ladies at the Bridge Club whisper behind her back, “oh, that’s the lady with the daughter that can’t remember where she left her panties.”

The shame. The shame.

Actions > Words

By now, you have heard the testy exchange between Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselback on "The View."

As far as I am concerned, conflict is entertaining. O’Donnell bullying over people is not. Standing up to the bully is great.

To demonstrate the intellectual level of Rosie’s supporters, however, check out Janette Barber. Barber is Rosie’s chief writer. She was escorted out of "The View" studios by security after she was caught drawing mustaches on photos of Hasselback.

She was later quoted as saying she never liked Hasselback because she was just a “big poopy pants.” Security was instructed to return to Barber’s office to retrieve her Tickle Me Elmo and a pacifier.

Thanks, Judge

Rocky Mountain News reporter Ivan Moreno is covering the criminal case against Bronco receiver David Kircus.

Moreno wrote “Kircus can drink alcohol and travel” while he awaits disposition of the assault charges brought against him, now that a judge has loosened his release conditions.

Sweet. He can pop open a cold one and drive to work. The judge said so. If he gets pulled over with an open container, he just has to whip out his release conditions, signed by a judge, and show the police officer.

“Is that a open beer can in your hand, son?”

“Yes, sir, but I’ve been given permission by a judge to drink and travel. Take it up with her.”

“Okay, son, your papers appear to be in order. On your way.”

Another False Accusation

Allow me to repeat myself: Anybody can be accused of anything by anybody at any time. Accusation is not proof.

The latest example involves another Bronco receiver. False imprisonment charges against Brandon Marshall have been dropped due to lack of evidence. 

Marshall told the Rocky Mountain News:

"Basically, I just thought from what happened it was kind of ridiculous for the arresting officer to take me down for something that wasn't a legit reason," Marshall, 23, said hours after Douglas County Assistant District Attorney Leslie Hansen declined to proceed with the case.

"For my career to go through what it went through and my character and personality taking a hit over something that basically wasn't valid was an eye-opener to the high profile that me as an athlete has."

This kind of thing happens to people without high profiles, too. It does not make the paper, but it happens. Most such people can not afford an attorney to fight the charge or even to make bail. These low profile people may have  to sit in jail until the charges get dropped.
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Odds & Ends

* According to the Rocky Mountain News, it will take 600 years for nature to recover after the horrible Hayman fire of five years ago. Hey, in geological terms, 600 years really isn't that long.

* A message to my 20 month old little girl: I just read a entertainment story on a new movie called "Our Lady of Victory." Actress Carla Gugino plays Cathy Rush, former basketball coach of the girls team at Immaculata College. Rush's teams won three straight national championships.

Gugino admires the coach. The players "had been taught to be humble, that girls are the lesser sex. [Coach Rush] told them, 'Girls, it's OK to apply yourself, to believe in yourself, to play to win.'" 

I admire the coach, too. That is a great message. I hope I teach it to you.

* Avril Lavigne has gone from punk chick to Toni Basil wannabe with her new song "Girlfriend."

* Their is plenty of reason to dislike United States Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez. Ignoring the Constitution is one of them. The whole stink over firing U.S. Attorneys, however, is not. U.S. Attorneys are purely political appointees. They serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States. If he is displeased, they no longer serve. This is why, when a new President is elected, U.S. Attorneys routinely submit their resignations. When another party takes over the Oval Office, a whole new group of U.S. Attorneys is appointed.

Criticize the fascist Gonzalez all you want. He deserves it. But pick a better reason.

* The wife and I saw Spider-Man 3 recently. It is an average movie. Director Sam Raimi tries to deal with too much in one film.

First, the movie involves some black goo from space that turns Peter Parker to the dark side. Second, it involves Peter's buddy Henry Osborn and his dark side, including the return of the Green Goblin. Then it deals with a new bad buy, Sandman. Then another bad guy, Venom, who gets covered in the black goo once Peter Parker sheds it.

Too much to deal with, none of it dealt with well.

* Shut up and look pretty. Rie Rasmussen, former Victoria Secret model and current actress, is quoted in a recent edition of Entertainment Weekly (#936, June 1, 2007). It would have been better for her if she hadn't been. Rie, who wants to be taken seriously, said "all we need is a bit of communication and a little bit of love. There's no better message. It's pertinent to today's political situation."

Yep, if we only understood better why al-Qaida wants to kill us, they'd be our friends. If we had only talked with Hitler and loved him more, World War II would have been averted.

When our body gets a malignant cancer, the only way to survive is to cut it out. All of it. Unfortunately, to get it all, the surgeon has to get some healthy tissue, too.

It's sad. It's unfortunate. It's the truth.

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May 23, 2007

Free Panties!

This from page 4 of today's Rocky Mountain News:

MAJOR CRIME

Detectives from Fort Collins' Major Crimes Unit arrested Chih Hsien Wu on Tuesday in the thefts of more than 1,300 women's undergarments from apartment complex laundries.

Victims can come to police headquarters Saturday to identify their items.

How exactly does one identify their underwear? Unless the lady has her name in it, I think she should be required to bring a picture of her wearing said undergarment as proof of ownership.

Otherwise, get up on there Saturday for free panties!

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March 20, 2007

Bad Guy Confesses

Who says torture does not work?

 

Al Qaida operative Waleed bin Attash has confessed to planning the attack on the USS Cole and embassy bombings in Kenya and Tanzania.

 

After years in secret CIA prisons and then Guantanamo, he finally cracked.

 

Attash also confessed to a series of lesser known crimes, including a series of unsolved liquor store robberies in the Dayton area.

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March 13, 2007

Give Peace a Chance

Buddhist monks in Malaysia are facing a problem. Their monastery has been infested with stinging red ants.

The monks are bound by faith to nonviolence, and have yet to come up with a peaceful way to rid themselves of the nasty pests.

I can not believe this. When faced with a single minded enemy, I thought all we had to do was understand the enemies’ motivation, to reason with them, to change our behavior if necessary in a spirit of compromise.

Are you telling me that some enemies are so intent on their purpose that no amount of understanding or reason or compromise is sufficient?

If so, what do we do? Should the monks let the ants have the monastery?  If they are intent on nonviolence, the monks will have to let the ants take over.

The monks will get their reward in the next life.

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Sign Me Up For That Class

In Brighton, Colorado, a 30 year old woman lost her job as a teacher for having sex with a 17 year old male student.

 

The student appeared on The Today Show with Matt Lauer this morning. He is now 18.

 

The school administration is embarrassed.

 

According to the Rocky Mountain News

 

“… teachers at the school have received extra training on how to prevent… future incidents.”

 

The only thing funnier than needing training on how to avoid sex with underage students is the notion that they need EXTRA training on how to avoid sex with underage students.

 

LESSON ONE: Keep your knickers on.

 

LESSON TWO: That sums it up. Thank you for coming. Pick up your Certificate of Attendance on the way out.

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March 01, 2007

Panic! At the Stock Market?

Marc Hogan, in Business Week, said that Tuesday's stock market drop presents "an opportune moment for investors to make sure their portfolios reflect their risk-tolerance levels, though market pros say it's no time to panic just yet."

Is there ever a time to panic? If so, how will I know? Will the market pros send out a press release or something?

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February 20, 2007

Fish Nuggets

* Essential city services: Police, Fire, Garbage and now mini-golf?

* Seen on a flyer for a planned protest at the Denver capitol building: "Urge our Legislators to pass legislation that will improve quality, expand acceess, and increase affordability of healthcare."

Wow. They can do all that merely by passing a bill? Why don't they just pass a bill making getting sick illegal? It would work just as well and be much simpler.

* There are way too many elk in Rocky Mountain National Park. Federal and state officials are discussing ways to thin the herd. The feds want to spend $16 - $18 million on a "culling program." The state wants to let licensed hunters do the job for about $0 million.

Wendy Keefover-Ring, a "wildlife advocate with the Boulder-based group Sinapu" is in favor of the fed proposal. I get the feeling that Ms. Keefover-Ring is less pro-wildlife than she is anti-hunter.

* There is nothing wrong with it, but is anyone surprised that a Boulder based "wildlife advocate" has a hyphenated last name? 

* Perhaps she made a poor career decision: HBO's "Cathouse" chronicles the day-to-day activities at the Bunny Ranch, a legal brothel in Nevada. On last night's show (hey, I just stumbled across it for a few seconds while channel surfing, I swear), a new employee refuses to perform oral sex. This puts a dent in her earning potential.

What the heck did she expect? A prostitute unwilling to perform oral sex is like a postal worker unwilling to deliver magazines.

* Students at the University of Indiana at South Bend have formed a "nap club." They have space where up to 15 students at a time can nap. We had "nap club" at the University of North Carolina, too. We called it "the library."

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February 15, 2007

Give It A Little Time, Though

In today's Rocky Mountain News Letters to the Editor, Joseph G. Martinez, of Brighton, Colorado, wants to know:

So now we have a mother, whose son died after being Tasered by the police, intending to sue the city of Lafayette for $22 million (“Mother plans to sue,” Briefing, Feb. 5). The son was breaking the law, so what grounds are there for the lawsuit?

Well, just because you have broken the law does not mean the police can kill you.

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February 02, 2007

New Orleans

If you build a house under sea-level next to the sea, you will get wet.

If you re-build a house under sea-level next to the sea, you will get wet again.

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January 23, 2007

Whining Parents with a Whining Kid

A couple and their three year old child were kicked off a plane when the youngster threw a fit and refused to be seated before takeoff.

"The flight was already delayed 15 minutes and in fairness to the other 112 passengers on the plane, the crew made an operational decision to remove the family," a spokesperson for the airline said.

Most people would be completely mortified if they had so abjectly failed as parents. Not these people.

Continue reading "Whining Parents with a Whining Kid" »

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January 07, 2007

Another Misinformed Letter Writer

Stephen Blea, of Denver, is outraged. In today's Denver Post, he says that Darrent Williams' tragic murder should result in congressional action to increase criminal penalties. He wrote:

  . . . we should get stronger bills passed in Congress in his name against violence with severe sentences handed out to these gutless gun-carrying criminals. We need much stiffer penalties for the outlaws that have no concern over life.

Interesting. Whoever murdered Darrent Williams is subject to a first degree murder conviction and the death penalty. How much tougher can the penalty get?

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More Crap from Kiszla

Denver Post columnist Mike Kiszla added his maudlin thoughts on the tragic death of Darrent Williams in today's paper.

He provides no real debate, only bad bromides. Yes, it is sad when a child loses his father. That is not news.

I would have more respect for his column if he, like many others in his profession, were not a professional smart-ass the rest of the year.

He can not turn on the "take me serious" switch and expect anyone to do so.

Especially with non-sequiturs like this:

Amateur sociologists like to point a righteous finger at the violent images set to the beats of rap. But music rattling the windows of a car doesn't kill. A gun in the glove box does. Blaming hip hop for murder would be as ludicrous as pinning the problem of babies born out of wedlock on "Little Red Corvette" by Prince.

Problem 1: How does a gun in a glove box kill? It's just sitting in a glove box. It takes a person to get it out of the glove box. It takes a person to point it. It takes a person to pull the trigger. 

If violent music urging violence does not kill, a gun does not either. As much as Kiszla and others would like to find a simple answer, there is not one.

It takes a person, hardened by circumstances, ignorance and culture to get a gun and make a decision to be a murderer.  Is rap music part of that equation? It can be. It might be. Is it the only reason? No.

Neither is the presence of a gun.

Problem 2: Kiszla's dismissal of music as contributing to pregnancy is misplaced. If not, lots of people have wasted their money on Barry White and Frank Sinatra albums. (And c'mon, Kiszla, "Little Red Corvette" is not even a sexy song. Prince has many more appropriate songs from which to choose to make your point.)

Mr. White and Mr. Sinatra made a career out of putting people in the mood. The mood often leads to sex. Sex can lead to unwanted pregnancies. Voila!

Music can and does create an atmosphere. A pervasive atmosphere turns into a culture. A culture is defined by how its members act. If members of a culture act criminally, that culture needs to change.

Doing that is nigh on impossible. But it is not impossible. Passing laws do not change cultures. Legislation can not change someone's heart. Only education, love and attention can do that.

Of course, all that is much harder than passing a law.

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December 21, 2006

Two Birds, One Jeep

Two plus feet of snow have closed Denver for a day and a half. I live in a residential area, and I think my street is due to be plowed in April. The snow has made side streets nigh on impassable, and the post office is not delivering mail.

I can solve both problems. Slap a plow on the front of the mail trucks. Thus, residential areas get  plowed AND the mail gets delivered.

 

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December 06, 2006

Freedom Takes Another Hit

This time, it is the left that has landed a solid blow to the body of the concept known as "freedom."

New York City has banned the use of trans fat by restaurants. The New York City council is smarter than its residents and knows what is best for them. 

This encroachment on freedom is scary. It is not the government's fault. It is ours:

"I don't care about what might be politically correct and what's not," said Murray Bader, nursing a cup of coffee at Dunkin' Donuts on Tuesday morning. "I want to live longer!"

Well, Mr. Bader, why do you need the government to ban trans fats for you to stop eating them? You do not. Just do not eat them. If you really want to live longer, stay off the road. Move to a city with less crime. Do not take baths, you might slip, fall and break a hip.

 Toni Lewis, while eating at McDonald's, demonstrates the double speak of those that favor government intrustion. She said, "This is New York. People eat out a lot. We don't have a choice."

You do not have a choice? In New York? Look a little harder, Ms. Lewis. And do not eat at McDonald's.

Tim Zagat, publisher of Zagat's restaurant guides, is also in favor of the ban. "You can't put lead in your food, right? With trans fats, you're not going to die as fast, but they are clearly bad for you and people don't even know when they're eating them."

First, if a restaurant put lead in its food, no one would buy it.

Second, if people don't know when they are eating them, it is not important to them. If it was important, they would know and they would stop of their own volition.

That is why freedom is so hard. It requires people to learn things and make judgments. Fascism, from the left or the right, is easy. The goverment tells you what to do. You do not have to worry about decisions. The government knows what is best.

Ms. Lewis added: "I welcome the intrusion." Good. More are coming.

If that concept does not scare you, nothing will.

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November 29, 2006

Are We Safe?

According to the Rocky Mountain News, a Jefferson County Sheriff police dog recently passed away in his sleep. It always said when a loyal, hardworking animal dies, but this is especially bad news.

According to the RMN, the dog “died peacefully after seven years of ensuring the public’s safety.”

Who is ensuring our safety now? Is there another dog to take his place? What is the training process like? Can a rookie dog actually ensure our safety?

This is big news. Our safety is no longer ensured. HELP!
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November 07, 2006

Hey, Now! Let's Not Get Carried Away....

Ted Haggard, the disgraced evangelical leader from Colorado Springs, has spurred much comment on the Bible and homosexuality. (Haggard has been accused of a long homosexual relationship with a male "escort" and buying methamphetamine. He has asked for forgiveness and resigned from church leadership).

Jack Hayford, another evangelical minister, is ministering to Haggard.

Hayford has this to say in his book The Anatomy of Seduction:

Today, we are witnessing at pervasive and disturbing dimensions the absorption of homosexuality, masturbation and oral sex into our culture, stamped with society's seal of approval.

You are hitting a little close to home, Rev. Let's leave at least two of those alone, or ain't nobody gonna be buying what you're selling. I'm just saying.

 ===

Vincent Carroll, editorial page editor of the Rocky Mountain News, also writes about Haggard today. Carroll writes, the "Rev. Larry Stockstill ... is heading a thorough probe into Haggard's affairs."

"Heading a thorough probe?" That might not be a great choice of words, given the topic.

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October 20, 2006

Too Much Supervision

In today's Rocky Mountain News:

“You chase somebody into somebody else’s game, there could be a collision.”

- Eric Larson, physical education coordinator for Denver Public Schools, on why some Denver public schools have chosen to disallow unsupervised or unorganized games of tag during recess.

 

Heaven forbid kids learn a valuable skill like LOOKING WHERE THEY ARE GOING.

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October 03, 2006

Another Insular "Intellectual"

How insular can one be? The New York Post's Page Six answers that question today:
October 3, 2006 -- TOM Wolfe says a jarring scene he recently witnessed in Tennessee convinced him that writers who live in New York and on the Left Coast are out of touch with the rest of the country. In the upcoming book, "Telling True Stories," the "Bonfire of the Vanities" novelist says he watched in amazement at a NASCAR race last month as a National Rifle Association honcho got a rousing standing ovation, and was followed by a minister who "asked the Lord to look out for these brave drivers and these loyal fans . . . in the name of Thy Only Son, Christ Jesus." Writes Wolfe: "Anyone who introduced an event that way in San Francisco or New York would risk arrest for a hate crime. New York writers really must cross the Hudson River, and writers in Los Angeles really must go as far as the San Joaquin Valley. Most of the meaning of America lies in between the coasts, I'm afraid."

Tom, you should be.

We unwashed rednecks actually get the exact same number of votes as you and your white wine sipping, Marie Antoinette-like, know-it-all, meet-me-at-Elaine's, effete intellectual buddies. Isn't that appalling?

See you at the next Hillary Clinton fund raiser, Tom.

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September 01, 2006

That's His Story

The Boulder County District Attorney has let John Mark Karr walk away. Despite his creative confession, his DNA does not match that found at the scene of the crime.

Ignoring these inconvenient truths, "nationally known handwriting examiner" Curtis Baggett still insists Karr wrote the ransom letter at the scene.

"He may not have murdered the girl. We don't know that. I just believe he wrote the letter," Baggett said.

This is what summer camp youth coaches like to refer to as "a teaching moment."

Let's use poker as an example. (I know summer camps for kids don't yet teach poker, but just wait. This example is ahead of its time.)

You might think you have the absolute best hand before the flop, and you bet a lot of money on that belief. After the flop, you slowly realize that things have now changed.

You can either cling desperately to your original belief or you can acknowledge the truth.

Mr. Handwriting Expert should fold. Instead, he stares at his cards, hoping they will change. They never do.

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August 02, 2006

American Idiot

Kellen Winslow, Jr., has yet to play a down in the NFL.

After he was drafted out of the University of Miami by the Cleveland Browns, he messed himself up pretty good by wrecking on a motorcycle. He sat out two years of football. He still has not fully recovered.

Despite the injuries and lack of playing time, Winslow still thinks highly of himself.

According to an Associated Press story:

"I hate to be brash," Winslow said with a smile. "But I think my 90 percent is still better than every tight end out there."

Maybe one day he will actually play in an NFL game and put up. Until then, he can shut up.

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December 03, 2004

Flax Seed Oil?

Barry Bonds says he thought he was getting flax seed oil rubbed on his body, and he didn't realize it was actually a steroid.

Why flax seed? What was that supposed to do? Make him shiny?

I'm going out to GNC, buy some flax seed oil, apply it liberally and see how much bigger my skull grows.

That's what it did to Barry.

 
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The Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese

 

 I definitely see the face of a woman, but I think it looks a lot more like Bernadette Peters than the blessed Virgin Mary.

Then again, I was raised Baptist, not Catholic.

 

 
 
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