The 79th Academy Awards Show
6:30 The Show Kicks Off with Hostess Ellen DeGeneres.
It is the first year that the host dressed in drag.
Ellen came straight from the thrift shop to host the event.
She’s wearing a burgundy tuxedo, open collar white shirt and white shoes.
Ellen with the international shoutout: “Penelope Cruz, Mexico with a record number of nominations!” Except that Penelope is Spanish. It is hard to keep those foreigners straight, is it not?
6:53 Will Ferrell, wearing his ‘fro, was joined by Jack Black and John C. Riley in a musical number that ended with them promising to take home both Helen Mirren and an Oscar one night. I do not doubt they will.
7:11 DeGeneres acknowledges her Penelope Cruz mistake and says Judy Dench is not present because she is having a boob job.
7:12 A choir of people that make sound effects with their mouths takes the stage. Apparently that guy from Police Academy beat them all out for a movie career.
7:14 Greg Kinnear, famous actor, presents an award. I remember way back when he hosted Talk Soup on E! Aisha has not caught up to him yet.
7:17 Jessica Biel and James McAvoy are presenters. Jessica is taller than James. A tall actor in Hollywood is harder to find than Katie Holmes since she was kidnapped by Tom Cruise.
7:21 The camera cuts to Djimon Hounsou. He is wearing Ellen’s tux, but in black. It looks better on him.
Jackie Earl Haley is nominated for Best Supporting Actor. Most people do not realize he played Kelly Leak in the Bad News Bears movies, then took a 40 year hiatus.
7:30 The animated Cars was nominated for best Animated Feature and for Best Song. I reckon that this will be the first and last time that the Academy Awards ever nominate anything featuring Larry the Cable Guy.
8:25 Robert Downey looks like he just got out of bed. Either that, or he has reprised his role from Less Than Zero. Keeping alive the theme, he makes a joke about his drug addiction.
8:45 Jennifer Hudson won for Best Supporting Actress. I guess you do not have to be an American Idol finalist to be successful. Right, Justin Guarini?
8:55 In less of a surprise than Helen Mirren’s upcoming victory, the liberal fear-mongering elite in Hollywood gave the Best Documentary award to An Inconvenient Truth. Al Gore said global warming was a “moral issue.” What? I think he should look up that word.
9:14 Why is Jack Nicholson bald?
9:16 Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst present an award. Tobey is shorter than Kirsten. Yes, I know Kirsten is wearing heels, but Tobey is still a short dude. They should give these short guys a box to stand on.
9:41 I love Kate Winslet.
9:54 Helen Mirren gets the Oscar. She takes it from former child actor Sandy Lyle.
10:04 Forest Whitaker won, too. Seems like yesterday he was playing Jefferson in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
10:08 Martin Scorsese finally gets an Oscar. The crowd goes wild. For my money, The Departed was the best movie of the year. Of course, The Departed was the only picture nominated for Best Picture that I actually saw.
10:14 Bald Jack Nicholson announces that a movie in which he participated, The Departed, is Best Picture. I was right.