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January 31, 2007

The Myth of the Great Quarterback

"Conventional Wisdom" says you need to have a great quarterback to win a Super Bowl.

This is why the Indianapolis Colts are a 7 point favorite to beat the Chicago Bears Sunday in Super Bowl XLI in Miami. No one would argue that Rex Grossman is a better quarterback than Peyton Manning, not even Rex's mom.

Rex's mom, however, might point out that the Bears have a better running game and a better defense than the Colts. Rex's mom would be correct.

Of course, having a great quarterback helps in any given game, but it is not a necessity.

I give you Mr. Bob Greise. Mr. Greise won two Super Bowls. He passed for a total of 161 yards in those two games.

I give you Joe Theisman. He passed for 143 yards, although he managed to do it in only one game.

I give you Jim McMahon, a better rapper than he was a quarterback. His Bears team always had the superior running game and the superior defense whenever they played. How often did they have the superior quarterback? Not a lot.

I give you Doug Williams. Granted, Doug had a great Super Bowl game. He was not a great quarterback. He is in no danger of getting into Canton without a ticket.

I give you Jeff Hostettler. 'Nuff said. (Although Jeff made the porn star mustache popular well before Jeff Kent ever washed a truck.)

Take, for example, Mark Rypien. Please. 

And while you are at it, take Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson, too. 

Despite an inexplicable love fest with young Ben Roethlisberger, he earned his Super Bowl ring by completing nine of 21 passes for 123 yards and two interceptions.

I will not sully the waters by suggesting that neither Bart Starr nor Len Dawson nor Ken Stabler nor Jim Plunkett nor Phil Simms were outstanding quarterbacks. I do not have to. Messers Hostettler, et al. make the point sufficiently.

Of course, a team can rely on Joe Montana or Brett Favre to win the Super Bowl, but it is only one way to do so.

A superior defense and running game is another.

The Bears will so demonstrate on Sunday. 

Chicago 27, Indianapolis 24.

And about that conventional wisdom? Nobody ever went broke betting against the public.

 

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January 30, 2007

If You Can't Say Anything Nice....

University of Colorado head football coach Dan Hawkins just finished his first year in Boulder.

Whenever a new coach takes over a college program, player turnover is expected. It is going to happen. Some of the players fit in well under the former coach's scheme. They do not fit in as well under the new coach's plans.

Several football players have decided they do not wish to suit up this year for the Buffs.

So they move on. It is not as if the college kids were getting paid. The coach, whom is getting paid and getting paid well, should expect it as part of the process and send the kids off with best wishes.

Unfortunately, Hawkins failed to do that. According to the B.G. Brooks' article in today's Rocky Mountain News,

Hawkins said off season work with new strength and conditioning coach Jeff Pitman has been difficult.

"For those who want to succeed, want a better season, they welcome it," he said. "For those who are not into it, it's been harder, I'll put it like that."

He should not have put it like that at all. He called the kids that left his football team losers. He said they did not want to succeed, otherwise they would have welcomed the changes he implemented.

The kids may well be losers, I do not know. They may well not wish to succeed, I do not know.

I do know that Hawkins should have just shut up about why the kids left the football team. He did not need to kick 'em in the ass on the way out of the field house. 

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January 29, 2007

Is that like being "kinda pregnant?"

Rocky Mountain News' baseball writer Tracy Ringolsby spent a little time discussing the Boston Red Sox front office today. His last sentence:

Initially, the Red Sox said owner John Henry vetoed the [Larry Bigbie] deal, but it later turned out that it came down to a difference of opinion in the front office and was cited as one of the reasons that Epstein briefly resigned as GM after the 2005 season.

How does one "briefly resign?" Is that like saying you are going to lunch but will back in a couple of hours? Epstein resigned. Then he agreed to come back.

He did not "briefly resign."

Yes, I am picking nits, but Ringolsby is a Hall of Fame writer. He should use the English language like he understands it.

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January 28, 2007

Who's On First?

ColoradoRockies_100.png

It may not be Todd Helton for much longer, at least not in Denver. The Colorado Rockies are in trade talks with the Boston Red Sox that would send Helton to Massachusettes.

The two competing daily newspapers in Denver are currently in a dispute over who broke the story.

Both papers claim they did.

As first reported by The Denver Post on Saturday, the Rockies have discussed sending Helton to Boston, targeting young relievers Craig Hansen and Manny Delcarmen. 

The Denver Post, January 28, 2007.

The Rockies and Boston Red Sox have been discussing trade possibilities involving Helton since November, as reported originally by the Rocky [Mountain News] . . .

The Rocky Mountain News, January 27, 2007

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Confusion

Gail Schoettler, in her Denver Post column, makes her case as to why Hillary Clinton could become President of the United States.

Gail is right. Hillary could become the next President of the United States. She probably will not, but she certainly could.

Gail, however, gets confused. As part of her pro-Hillary argument, she writes "if a woman can't win in modern America, shame on us."

Gail has confused Hillary with every woman in the country. If Hillary loses, it does not follow that "a woman can't win in modern America." If it means Hillary can't win in modern America.

Hillary is not "Every Woman." She is just Hillary.

And, of course, anyone with any sense knows that Chaka Khan is "Every Woman." Not Hillary.

Come to think of it, I would vote for Chaka Khan before I voted for Hillary. Hell, I would vote for Elizabeth Dole and Condi Rice long before I voted for Hillary. I would vote for the next lady that walked into my neighborhood grocery store before I would vote for Hillary.

So would many people.

The sex of the candidate is irrelevant, but if the field were actually limited to females, Hillary is way down my list. If the eligible candidates had to be named Hillary, I would vote for Hilary Swank before I voted for Hillary Clinton. I would even strongly consider voting for Sir Edmund Hillary before Hillary Clinton, and he is a really old guy from New Zealand.

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January 26, 2007

Dook Hired the Soviet Timekeeper from the 1972 Olympics

The Dook University men's basketball team benefited from officials deciding the Blue Devils needed additional time at the end of its recent game against Clemson.

The Devils used the extra time to win on a last second shot. The ACC has admitted the officials screwed up.

As a University of North Carolina alumnus, this is nothing new  to me. Dook, like evil itself, must be stopped.

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The Easily Offended are Offended Again. Easily.

Party photos of drunk white college kids are shocking the PC police. Again. This time, UConn law students are the culprits.                               

This time, the photos depict said Caucasians mocking, among other things, the “thug life.”

The immediate reaction of the Easily Offended is “OH MY GOD . . . white youngsters dressed like black people…. This is RACIST and must be CONDEMNED!”

The Easily Offended need to take a deep breath and sit down.

They should organize a trip to the local mall and check out the fashions.

Who is wearing ‘do-rags, bling, baggy pants and team jerseys? Lots and lots of teenaged white kids. These kids, however, are not mocking anything. They actually think they are cool.

In fact, they look stupid. In fact, they should not be surprised if they are ridiculed.

No doubt, far too many black kids think the “thug life” is an actual career path. Just look at the discussion in Denver following the drive-by shooting of Darrent Williams.

I have not seen any defense of “thug life.”  Responsible people – black, white, yellow, red and striped – are trying to get kids – black, white, yellow, red and striped – OUT of the “thug life” and into a more productive lifestyle.

“Thug life” should be mocked.

It is not sacred.

It should not be blasphemous to point out the stupidity of those that think it is “cool.”

It is the Easily Offended that equate “thug life” with “African-American” that are the racists.

Mocking gold teeth and breast tattoos is fine. Gold teeth and breast tattoos are stupid. They should be mocked.

The Easily Offended who assume only people of color are into gold teeth and breast tattoos need to recalibrate their sense of justice.

Maybe the Easily Offended should call Favor Flav and give him an award for his positive portrayal of a Black Man. 

 

Let us look at the seven photos individually:

Picture 1 – On the left, we have what appears to be a 12 year old Caucasian boy wearing a fake Mennonite beard. He has a white bandana on his head with the knot in the front. He is wearing a matching white Kansas University basketball jersey. Nothing says “thug” like a KU fan. The young Mennonite is drinking a beer with Santa Claus on the label. (Santa Claus?) He is either making a gang sign with his right hand, or he just dropped the candy cigarette he was holding in an effort to look more “street.” The only “street” this guy might pull off, however, is “Sesame.”

On the right of the photo, we have the young Mennonite’s female companion. She is holding a fake machine gun. Her white baseball cap is askew. Her white tank top is about to burst from the pressure of holding back her breasts, and she is clearly leaning back on the young Mennonite in an effort to keep from falling forward.

In the background, there is a guy in a suit and tie, sucking something out of his teeth. He must not have gotten the memo about the theme.

Picture 2 – On the left, a classic example of why gold teeth are stupid. On the right, why breast tattoos are stupid.

Picture 3 – Oh the sublime irony. The future lawyer on the left has capped off his bling and ‘do rag with a green John Deere cap! Real thugs would not wear a John Deere trucker cap, only white kids who think Ashton Kutcher is really hot would ever where a John Deere cap. This young man is brilliant. His commentary on the duality of man is subtle, yet says so much.

The young lady with the fake breast tattoos – ala Eve – makes her second appearance. This time we can see she is holding a half empty 40 oz. I personally have done an economic survey on the cost of beer, and the 40 oz is the by far the most economical way to go. You get more beer for your money when you buy it in bulk. Sam Walton, a hayseed from Bentonville, Arkansas, became a billionaire based on this premise. I think the faux-Eve should be applauded for her purchase.

Picture 4 – We return to the guy with the gold teeth. This time, his Boston Red Sox cap is both backwards and askew. In my personal opinion, you should pick one or the other. Either backward, or askew. Never both. But that’s just me. Mr. Grillz is flanked on one side by a white guy wearing a shower cap. I think he came to the party straight from swimming practice. On the other side, Mr. Grillz is copping a feel from his boyfriend in Michael Vick Atlanta Falcon jersey. For some reason, he is wearing this backward, with the name “Vick” on the front. Nobody does this. He should go home.

Picture 5 – Is this from the same party? Is that girl actually pregnant? Too many questions are posed in this photo. The young lady is wearing a Baby Phat t-shirt. She has it pulled over her gut and is holding her belly like she can not believe she ate that last burrito. If she is pregnant, she needs to put down that bottle!.

The guy is wearing a three piece suit. With a watch chain. What the hell is doing here? Is he on his way to a Boston Legal viewing party as William Shatner?  Clearly a grad student. How do I know? He is drinking Busch beer. In a can.

Another mysteriously suited man is in the background of this shot. He is wearing an argyle sweater. What happened to the theme?

Picture 6 – The faux-Eve is back for a third time. She is clearly an attention seeking whore.  This time she is joined by a male companion in a parka. Underneath the parka is a Larry Bird Celtics jersey. Unlike his friend in picture 5, this guy knows that the team name goes in the front.

The Celtics jersey says it all. He is not mocking black people. Black people DO NOT wear Larry Bird jerseys. Ever. I can make this sweeping generalization because Spike Lee said the same thing in “Do the Right Thing.”  Therefore, it is true.

This gentleman, like the guy with the John Deere cap, is mocking white guys that think they are hip-hop cool. The complexity of the satire should not be underappreciated.

(Upon further review, I gave this chowder-head too much credit. This chowd is dressed like half the white guys in Southie. He didn’t get dressed for a theme party, he just got dressed for a party. BAWST’N RED SAWX ROOL! WHOOOOOOO!)

Picture 7- Somebody take this attention seeking camera whore home! She is in four of the seven pictures. We have seen your fake breast tattoos. They are nice. Now take them away.

This time, faux-Eve has posed with a different party-goer. Her friend is a young lady wearing a white ball cap, stylishly askew, with some Asian characters scripted across the front. (I do not mean that John Cho, star of Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle, is on the cap. I mean that Asian letters, popularized in so many tastefully done tattoos – both breast and otherwise – are on the cap.)

She is also wearing a white tank top, discreetly covering her breasts so that if she sporting breast tattoos, we can not see them.

She is sporting what I sincerely hope is a fake barbed wire tattoo on her right bicep. A fake barbed wire tattoo seems to mock an entirely different stereotype than that of the “thug life.” Perhaps she is on her way to a party with a bunch of ‘roided up weight lifters with shrunken testes. These tats are popular with those guys.

To top it off, she is wearing huge white-rimmed sunglasses. The glasses seem to mock the Olsen Twins, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchey other so that ilk more so than anybody in the hip-hop culture.

She’s a mess. I discern no real theme here. Her tank top is imprinted with the phrase “thug life.” Without the billboard on her boobs, I certainly would not have gotten what she was going for.

In conclusion, this was a lame theme party. The only people that should be offended are the respective parents of the law students pictured.

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Nike is Anti-Semitic

Nike's new commercial is called "The Second Coming." You can see it here on YouTube.

Since those of the Jewish persuasion do not believe in the first coming, Nike is systemically and purposefully disregarding their beliefs in this advertising campaign.

They might as well be saying "Jews - Don't Buy Our Shoes."

Which NBA players do they use? Kobe Bryant, Steve Nash, Tony Parker, Amare Stoudemire, Shawn Marion, Rasheed Wallace, LeBron James.

What do these gentlemen have in common? Not a single Jew among them!

Boycott Nike. L'Chaim.

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January 24, 2007

Trust the Government

Durham County District Attorney Mike Nifong faces new charges today.

The North Carolina State Bar filed a complaint alleging that Nifong "withheld DNA evidence in the Duke lacrosse case and then lied about it to judges and the North Carolina State Bar."

According to the Raleigh News and Observer:

The test results from DNA Security of Burlington found DNA from at least four unidentified men in and on the accuser and excluded the entire lacrosse team as the source. The bar's complaint said Nifong hid these results from defense lawyers, who repeatedly asked for all DNA test results. Nifong then lied to the court, either on paper or in direct comments to a judge, on five occasions, the complaint said.

 . . .

Nifong is scheduled to make his first appearance this morning at the bar. Depending on the outcome, he could lose his license to practice law.

Nifong should not only lose his license to practice law, he should lose his freedom. He needs to spend time behind bars for corruption.

Who should be leading the public condemnation of this low-life lying lawyer? Not the criminal defense attorneys. The honest and hardworking district attorneys throughout the country should be condemning their colleague.

Why? Because liars like Nifong make it harder for all legitimate prosecuting attorneys to win a case. Liars like Nifong cast doubt on every legitimate prosecution in this country. If the honest DA's do not take a stand against corruption, they are complicit in that corruption.

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January 23, 2007

Whining Parents with a Whining Kid

A couple and their three year old child were kicked off a plane when the youngster threw a fit and refused to be seated before takeoff.

"The flight was already delayed 15 minutes and in fairness to the other 112 passengers on the plane, the crew made an operational decision to remove the family," a spokesperson for the airline said.

Most people would be completely mortified if they had so abjectly failed as parents. Not these people.

The mother of the little brat complained: "We weren't giving an opportunity to hold her, console her or anything."

Really? You could not hold your own child? You were not even given the opportunity? Why not? Because your little hell-spawn was running around the cabin unattended, perhaps?

The airline does not owe you an opportunity to console her. You owe the airline and everyone on it the responsiblity to teach your child manners and discipline.

Since you have completely failed to teach your child how to act over the course of her three years, a few more minutes on the tarmac would not have turned you into Mary Poppins and your child into a little darling.

The mother continued to whine. According to the article, "she asked the attendants if [her little brat] could sit on her lap, but they said 'no.'"

Perhaps they said "no" because federal law requires everyone over the age of two years old to be seated in a seat and secured by a seatbelt.

I bet you a dime to a danish that if the airline had relented and let the little girl sit on her mother's lap and the brat hit her head during takeoff, the parents would have already filed a lawsuit.

The ariline, AirTran, was completely in the right. I applaud AirTran for the concern it showed the other 112 people on the flight.

Even so,

The Orlando-based carrier reimbursed the family $595.80, the cost of the three tickets, and offered them three roundtrip tickets anywhere the airline flies.

But that's too little, too late for the [unfit parents]. The father said they would never fly AirTran again.

All future AirTran passengers will quietly rejoice.

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January 15, 2007

The 64th Annual Golden Globes

* Justin Timberlake, fresh off his hit parody "D*** in a Box, presented the second award, for Best Original Song in a Motion Picture. Prince won for "Happy Feet." 

After announcing the winner, several moments passed before Justin realized the Purple one was not present to accept the award.

Justin bent his knees, making himself about a foot shorter, and accepted the award on behalf of Prince.

* Presenter David Spade was introduced as "the star of The Showbiz Show." I don't think The Showbiz Show has been on in a while. I think it has been, as they say in showbiz, "axed." But I guess when the other choices are "Joe Dirt" and "The Benchwarmers," a cancelled cable show is not a bad way to go.

* Tina Fey appeared all dolled up, but she did not wear her glasses. Tina Fey without her glasses is like Barry Bonds without steroids. It's what makes them beautiful. Put the specs back on, Tina. We love all four of your eyes.

 * Patricia Arquette was nominated for Best Actress in a Television Drama for her role in "Medium." It has been a long time since she played the lovable call girl Alabama Worley in "True Romance."

Edie Falco was also nominated in this category for her part in "The Sopranos." How can this be? "The Sopranos" has not been on television in years. Kyra Sedgwick won for her performance as "The Closer." I still have not seen this, but I can not believe she can be that good as a Major League Baseball relief pitcher.

 * Will Ferrell was in the audience, sporting a whiteman 'fro. He looked like he was auditioning to play Greg Brady.

 * It was only appropriate that Sean Combs, known to have lit a few joints in his time, handed the trophy for Best Supporting Actress in a Television Drama to Emily Blunt.

 * Annette Bening and Warren Beatty look like somebody's grandparents. Somebody's really good looking grandparents, but grandparents nonetheless.

* Eddie Murphy won for Best Supporting Actor in a Musical for his role in "Dreamgirls." He's come a long way from "Party All the Time."

 * Bill Nighy won an award. I remember when he was just "Bill Nighy, the Science Guy."

* Cameron Diaz is sporting a jet black hairdo. I hope the 'do is for a role. She looks like Ashlee Simpson's other sister.

 * Geena Davis and James Woods presented together. Poor James. Geena is a half a foot taller than he is.

* They just showed Prince in the audience. He must have been late. I wonder if Justin has given him the trophy yet.

*Hugh Grant just recognized Prince and asked him to take a bow. I did not see the trophy on Prince's table. Justin may have brought sexy back, but he has not given Prince his trophy back.

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January 12, 2007

Like the Temple of Doom

Virginia Tech basketball coach Seth Greenberg was on the Jim Rome radio show today.

Seth likes New Mexico coach Richie McKay and said that McKay is so competitive that "he would literally rip your heart out."

Has McKay actually done this? Has Greenberg witnessed this? Has law enforcement been notified? I do not think this is acceptable behavior, even for a competitive basketball coach.

 

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January 08, 2007

Too Close for Comfort

As I sit watching the college football championship game on television, I can not help but get a certain connection out of my head.

Am I the only one in the country that is reminded of "Happy Days" and "Married With Children" star Ted McGinley everytime Ohio State wide receiver Ted Ginn, Jr., makes a catch?

I guess it is just me.

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January 07, 2007

Another Misinformed Letter Writer

Stephen Blea, of Denver, is outraged. In today's Denver Post, he says that Darrent Williams' tragic murder should result in congressional action to increase criminal penalties. He wrote:

  . . . we should get stronger bills passed in Congress in his name against violence with severe sentences handed out to these gutless gun-carrying criminals. We need much stiffer penalties for the outlaws that have no concern over life.

Interesting. Whoever murdered Darrent Williams is subject to a first degree murder conviction and the death penalty. How much tougher can the penalty get?

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More Crap from Kiszla

Denver Post columnist Mike Kiszla added his maudlin thoughts on the tragic death of Darrent Williams in today's paper.

He provides no real debate, only bad bromides. Yes, it is sad when a child loses his father. That is not news.

I would have more respect for his column if he, like many others in his profession, were not a professional smart-ass the rest of the year.

He can not turn on the "take me serious" switch and expect anyone to do so.

Especially with non-sequiturs like this:

Amateur sociologists like to point a righteous finger at the violent images set to the beats of rap. But music rattling the windows of a car doesn't kill. A gun in the glove box does. Blaming hip hop for murder would be as ludicrous as pinning the problem of babies born out of wedlock on "Little Red Corvette" by Prince.

Problem 1: How does a gun in a glove box kill? It's just sitting in a glove box. It takes a person to get it out of the glove box. It takes a person to point it. It takes a person to pull the trigger. 

If violent music urging violence does not kill, a gun does not either. As much as Kiszla and others would like to find a simple answer, there is not one.

It takes a person, hardened by circumstances, ignorance and culture to get a gun and make a decision to be a murderer.  Is rap music part of that equation? It can be. It might be. Is it the only reason? No.

Neither is the presence of a gun.

Problem 2: Kiszla's dismissal of music as contributing to pregnancy is misplaced. If not, lots of people have wasted their money on Barry White and Frank Sinatra albums. (And c'mon, Kiszla, "Little Red Corvette" is not even a sexy song. Prince has many more appropriate songs from which to choose to make your point.)

Mr. White and Mr. Sinatra made a career out of putting people in the mood. The mood often leads to sex. Sex can lead to unwanted pregnancies. Voila!

Music can and does create an atmosphere. A pervasive atmosphere turns into a culture. A culture is defined by how its members act. If members of a culture act criminally, that culture needs to change.

Doing that is nigh on impossible. But it is not impossible. Passing laws do not change cultures. Legislation can not change someone's heart. Only education, love and attention can do that.

Of course, all that is much harder than passing a law.

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January 06, 2007

Cash in the Attic

"Cash in the Attic" is a television show on BBC America. (Yes, I have watched it. Cut me slack, I'm married, and we can't watch football and re-runs of "The Shield" all the time. I've tried.)

In the show, antique "experts" go to someone's home and look for things to sell at auction in hope of raising money to buy something new.

Apparently, there is a huge market for ceramic figurines in the United Kingdom. Or, as I like to refer to them, crap that collects dust on a shelf.

There must be a shortage of souvenirs in London. I could go to one of those tacky gift shops on the beach, load up on ceramic chickens and Elvises, fly to Heathrow, sell them at auction, and pay for my trip, including a layover in Monte Carlo.

I might have to do this. I'll bring the wife.

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