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I rode the elevator from the press box down to field level with ESPN's John Clayton near the end of the Broncos - Colts game.
He is a very friendly fellow. I asked him, laughing, if Sean Salisbury - former NFL quarterback and current ESPN analyst - is always as mad as he seems on the radio and television. Clayton said "yes, because he's always wrong. His percentage of being right is about as good as his pass completion percentage."
Ouch! Nice one, John.
After the battle of horeses, the Broncos were feeling down. A postgame report:
Mike Shanahan said that Tatum Bell aggravated a toe and couldn't cut the way he wanted. That's why they put Mike Bell in the game after halftime. Mike took advantage of the opportunity and rushed for 136 yards on 15 carries. He also scored twice.
Mike Bell deflected all credit on to the offensive line for blocking up front, the recievers for blocking downfield, and to Jake for his great play action. He is a charming young man. He said he was "exhausted" at the end of the game and felt like he should have been in better shape.
Kyle Johnson went out with an injury too. The Broncos were down to Mike Bell and Cecil Sapp in the backfield, although Tatum came in to spell Mike some in the second half. Cecil the Diesel had some impressive runs.
Shanny refused to criticize Darrent Williams for the three Reggie Wayne touchdowns. Shanny said the defense has to play all together and it is not just one guy who gives up scores. Darrent could not be found in the locker room. However, I believe he will be at The Sports Column Monday night to discuss the game with Mike Evans. Tune into Fan 950 to hear all about it. Just to be on the polite side, I would stay away from any sandwich on toast.
Shanny also said he thought offensive tackle Eric Pears (that's pronounced "Peers," it doesn't sound like a fruit) played well and that the game plan included giving him help from tight ends and running backs. Of course, he won't know for sure how well he played until he looks at the film. The eye in the sky don't lie.
Ebenezer Ekuban said he felt like the offense did all they could, but that the defense let the team down. Eb, of course, is one of the most articulate and well-spoken members of the Broncos, seeing as how he attended the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
Next week, the Broncos travel to Pittsburgh to take on the Steelers. Somehow, the Steelers lost to Oakland today. They will be unhappy because of this loss to a really bad team.
Caldonia's, a popular sports bar and restuarant on South Parker Road in Denver, has a menu item named "Bronco Burger." It is described as "Jalapeno Cream cheese & crispy bacon. Burger $6.95 " No where does it mention what the burger consists of.
Could it be actual horse? That might explain why it needs jalapeno cream cheese on it. To cover up the horse flavor.
I'm just sayin'. Other items on the menu are more descriptive. The "Oakie Hoagie" is described as "Hot link sausage and sliced Brisket...." That tells you what is in it.
The "Buffalo Chicken Sandwich" is made of "Lightly breaded and flash fried chicken breast smothered in Buffalo wing sauce."
The "French Dip" is comprised of "Hand carved, slow roasted and sliced roast beef ..."
I'm just saying.
Bob Beauprez, Republican candidate for Colorado governor, is being investigated by the FBI. Beauprez has been accused of illegally using information in a national database for political means. The database is only supposed to be used for law enforcement.
Specifically, Beauprez ran a commercial accusing his Democratic rival, Bill Ritter, former Denver District Attorney, of letting an illegal immigrant plea bargain to a reduced offense that did not require deportation. This immigrant apparently was then involved in another, more serious crime in another state.
It is alleged that the only way Beauprez could have found out about this second crime was by access to the federal database.
Beauprez has now said that the leaker of the information “did the right thing.”
Beauprez has not received a tremendous amount of sympathy for his position.
Contrast that with the two San Francisco reporters that have admitted to obtaining secret Grand Jury testimony that implicates Barry Bonds as a steroid user. It is illegal to release Grand Jury testimony. The reporters used that testimony in a published work.
A federal judge has sentenced them to jail for their refusal to name their source. They have received considerable sympathy.
What’s the difference?
There is none.
Both Beauprez and the reporters obtained information that was illegally released to them. They both used that information to inform the public of something they thought the public needed to know.
Why should the two incidents be treated differently?
They should not be.
In today's Rocky Mountain News:
“You chase somebody into somebody else’s game, there could be a collision.”
- Eric Larson, physical education coordinator for Denver Public Schools, on why some Denver public schools have chosen to disallow unsupervised or unorganized games of tag during recess.
Heaven forbid kids learn a valuable skill like LOOKING WHERE THEY ARE GOING.
A federal Drug Enforcement Agency investigation, in conjunction with local authorities, has resulted in an indictment of 38 individuals involved in a marijuana and ecstasy distribution in Colorado.
According to the report in the Rocky Mountain News, over $4 million in assets, cash and drugs have been seized.
You tax that at 50%, the government gets $2 million.
At least some of the people involved are looking at life imprisonment.
Do you know what it costs to keep someone in prison for a lifetime?
Do you know what it costs to pay DEA agents, local authorities, court appointed lawyers, and judges?
Imagine that number, and erase it from the government budget.
Now put it back. That money could be used to pay for drug treatment programs. It could be used for schools to teach poor kids skills that would enable them to make a productive living. It could be used for parks.
It could even, heaven forbid, be allowed to stay in the taxpayers’ collective pocket.
* The press box always has copies of the Broncos Gameday program available for the wretches.
Tonight, they have also made available Colorado Avid Golfer magazine. This edition has a $10,000 watch on the cover. The watch is attached to the wrist of Bronco wide receiver Rod Smith.
One of the first advertisements inside Avid Golfer is for The Club at Pradera. The ad copy says it is “sophisticated without being stuffy.” What’s the point of that? If you’ve got the money for sophistication, you are going to want the stuffiness included.
It reminds me of the time I got the hook up to play an expensive private course on the North Carolina coast. (Back in the day when I had connections.) In the clubhouse, I whip out my wallet to pay cash for the greens’ fee. The guy working the register said, in a slightly condescending tone, “we don’t take cash.” As I put the cash away and reached for the plastic, I replied, “I understand, cash can get so dirty.”
He wasn’t as amused as I was.
* The 3-1 Broncos host the hapless 0-4 Raiders tonight. The Raiders have been the butt of jokes all week in Denver. They’ve been called the “masque-Raiders,” the “Faiders” and just plain “pathetic.”
Their ineptitude has taken some of the fun out of this once intense AFC West rivalry. Most Bronco fans have come not to faze the Raiders, but to bury them.
Of course, there is always the chance of a letdown when a team is heavily favored against a bad team. It won’t happen. Mike Shanahan hates Al Davis. It’s personal.
My prediction: Broncos 31, Raiders 7. Oakland scores a meaningless touchdown in the last two minutes. I also predict the Broncos score a TD on their first possession.
* The Broncos had so much success last week with their all blue uniforms, they are wearing them again. I still don’t like them. They look like Boise State.
* Gametime is 64 degrees with 34% humidity. Nice.
* Of course, this means the Broncettes are back in their appropriate attire: chaps and vests. No parkas and ski pants tonight, my friend.
* Pop singer Pink sings the Sunday Night Football theme. We go to see it on the big Broncovision screen. I love Pink. She kind of scares me, but I like that.
* Thunder, the big white horse that gallops across the field, STILL hasn’t taken a dump on the grass in the three years I’ve covered the Broncos. Do they not feed that horse on game day? I think we need to contact the ASPCA.
* Broncos do not score on their first possession. After two first downs, Denver punts.
My prediction was wrong. Damn.
* Raiders don’t score on their first possession either. Randy Moss has a chance at a TD reception, but got alligator arms as John Lynch homed in on him. It is just another example of a team that has quit trying hard.
That being said, the score is tied late in the first quarter.
* Two plays after I typed that last sentence, it is 6-0 Denver after a long pass to Javon Walker and a short run by Tatum Bell.
The Broncos scored on their second possession of the game. I was one off.
* With 1:09 before halftime, Champ Bailey intercepts a pass intended for Randy Moss at the Denver 1 yard line. Champ, once again, proves he’s good. The half ends with the Broncos up 13-0. It would be 17 -0 if backup fullback Cecil Sapp had not dropped a TD pass.
* At halftime, there was a celebration of Mexican culture with many young ladies from south of the border in flowing, colorful dresses against a backdrop of Mexican flags. Normally, one must go to the Aurora K-Mart on Colfax to see such a thing.
* The Broncos score no more, but the defense only allows a field goal. Denver gets the win, but my prediction of the final score is way off. Final score:13 - 3.
The latest misinformation campaign from the ant-progress, anti-capitalism Global Warming Chicken Littles is that mankind is causing the ice caps on Mt. Kilimanjaro and Mount Kenya to melt.
How do they show this connection between mankind and the ice caps?
Kilimanjaro has already lost 82 percent of its ice cover over 80 years, said Fredrick Njau of the Kenyan Green Belt Movement. Mount Kenya, one of the few places near the equator with permanent glaciers, has lost 92 percent over the past 100 years.
So the Kilimanjaro crisis started 80 years ago. Eight years ago was 1926. There were no SUV's in 1926.
The Kenya crisis started 100 years ago, or 1906. The first Model T was three years old at the time. They were not yet making Hummers or Escalades.
Perhaps something else started the ice caps melting. And if mankind is directly responsible, the GWCL are not advancing their cause by citing meaningless numbers.
I like to keep up with the legal job market in the Denver area. Check out this actual job description:
Hard-driving litigation boutique with a great reputation and a long list of impressive clients seeks an experienced Litigation Attorney to handle cases from start to finish. Good writing skills and a willingness to work hard and independently required. Excellent salary and bonus program
I have fourteen years of legal experience. Let me break this job description down for you.
"Hard driving litigation boutique" = "a small group of assholes."
"Great reputation" = "other attorneys hate us."
"long list of impressive clients" = "corporations that pay us outrageous fees."
"seeks experienced litigation attorney" = "we want somebody we don't have to train."
"to handle cases from start to finish" = "yeah right, we'll be checking up on you daily and if you screw up it's your ass."
"Good writing skills " = "ability to use our form firms without changing them."
"willingness to work hard" = "bill many hours and become an insufferable dick."
"and independently " = "we will be watching your every move."
"Excellent salary and bonus program" = "but then again how much is your soul worth to you?"
This is one of the 65 days of the year when the sun does not shine in Denver.
Worse than that, it was also one of the days in a year where it actually rains. All day.
The ski resorts love it when it snows during Broncos’ games. It is a great advertisement for them. Not so when it’s just raining, the temperature is 39 degrees Fahrenheit and the crowd looks like they should be hiding in a blind, waiting for ducks.
Especially since Bronco orange doubles as blaze orange.
* Bad sign for Denver: The normal national anthem singers did not perform tonight. The 17th Avenue All-Stars were bumped by four members of the national touring company of “The Lion King.” Coincidentally, “The Lion King” is currently in a limited run at Denver’s Buell Theatre through November 12.
* Bad sign for Denver II: Broncos are wearing all-blue. I don’t like the gimmicky uniforms. They never seem to work.
* You can tell this is a game attracting national media, including the ESPN Monday night crew: The press box cafeteria had spaghetti and meatballs. This passes as excellent food for the media.
* One of the bad things about being in the press box on Monday night, and not at home, is that you can’t hear Tony Kornheiser make jokes that Joe Theisman doesn’t get.
* The first turnover of the game is a fumble by Tatum “Tinker” Bell at about the ten minute mark of the first quarter. I bet his backup, Mike Bell, is in the next possession.
* Mike Shanahan is in a forgiving mood. After the defense held the Ravens to a field goal, Tatum is back.
* The second turnover of the game occurred with 2:22 in the first quarter. Jake Plummer overthrew Javon Walker by about the length of a Marcus Camby. Cornerback Samari Rolle cradled the ball in his hands like former U.S. Congressman Mark Foley at the congressional page orientation weekend.
* Bronco safety Nick Ferguson form tackled Mike Anderson and drove him into the ground. The video will be used to demonstrate technique at future coaching clinics.
* Once again the Denver defense comes through, forcing a three-and-out punt after the Plummer interception.
* The worst thing about a football game in the cold and rain: The Broncettes are wearing big white parkas and blue ski pants.
* Champ Bailey is known as a “shut down” corner. What makes him so great, however, is not only his coverage ability. The guy supports the run like a linebacker. His tackling ability makes him the best cornerback in the past ten years, perhaps ever. Don’t even bother mentioning Deion Sanders. Sanders not only could not tackle, he actively avoided getting anywhere near a tackle. You can not be considered a great defensive player if you tackle worse than the Grammatica brothers. End of discussion. Deion Sanders is the most overrated football player since the Canton Bulldogs strapped on leather helmets.
* The P.A. system played “I Love a Rainy Night” during a break in the action late in the first half. It was an appropriate choice. It was also the first time Eddie Rabbitt has been heard since 1987.
* With less than a minute to go in the half, and Baltimore on Denver’s 10 yard line, the Ravens make the mistake of throwing to Champ’s side. He intercepted it in the end zone.
* The half ends with the score tied 3-3.
* Whoops. The Broncos Gameday program has a “Where are they now?” feature on former Bronco quarterback Frank Tripucka. His name is in the Broncos Ring of Honor in Invesco Stadium. Apparently, the editor was not looking at the Ring of Honor when he reviewed this feature. A huge picture caption misspells “Tripucka” as “Tripuka.”
In 40 years, will a John Elway Gameday feature spell his name “Jon Elweigh?”
* No one will have to worry about misspelling Jake Plummer in the future. They won’t be writing about him.
* On a great play-action fake in the third quarter, Jake underthrew a wide open Rod Smith 30 yards down the field. The pass was incomplete.
* The Broncos manage to squeak into field goal position in the third quarter, and Jason Elam gives Denver a 6-3 lead.
* Darrent Williams, with his new hair-do, makes a big interception in the fourth quarter.
* Rod Smith sealed it late with a touchdown reception from Jake.
* The Broncos overcome the heretofore undefeated Ravens, the cold rain, the all-blue uniforms and the wrong national anthem singers for the impressive 13-3 win.
In the movie 8MM, Nicolas Cage plays a private eye trying to find out if a "snuff" film is legitimate or not.
Joaquin Phoenix plays a clerk in a porn store. Phoenix' character serves as Cage's guide in the ugly world of pornography.
Phoenix warns Cage that the journey will change him forever. He says. "There are some things that you see, and you can't unsee them. Know what I mean? "
I do.
The latest episode of the F/X television show "Nip/Tuck" has a scene featuring a brief, but all too long, shot of Rosie O'Donnell's ass.
It is an image so frightening, so wrong, it will haunt me as long as I live.
The University of Colorado Buffaloes have played five games. They have lost five games.
Saturday, they play their Homecoming game against Baylor University. Baylor defensive back C.J. Wilson has taken offense.
“That means all their Heisman greats and all that are going to be there to see if they can get well on Baylor,” Wilson said. “No. Because all the Benadryl and all that other medicine you’re taking isn’t going to help you for this one. That’s my word.
“Man, you schedule the School for the Deaf and the Blind for homecoming.”
Or perhaps Baylor.
OCTOBER 7, 2006 UPDATE: Baylor won the game, 34-31, in triple overtime.
October 3, 2006 -- TOM Wolfe says a jarring scene he recently witnessed in Tennessee convinced him that writers who live in New York and on the Left Coast are out of touch with the rest of the country. In the upcoming book, "Telling True Stories," the "Bonfire of the Vanities" novelist says he watched in amazement at a NASCAR race last month as a National Rifle Association honcho got a rousing standing ovation, and was followed by a minister who "asked the Lord to look out for these brave drivers and these loyal fans . . . in the name of Thy Only Son, Christ Jesus." Writes Wolfe: "Anyone who introduced an event that way in San Francisco or New York would risk arrest for a hate crime. New York writers really must cross the Hudson River, and writers in Los Angeles really must go as far as the San Joaquin Valley. Most of the meaning of America lies in between the coasts, I'm afraid."We unwashed rednecks actually get the exact same number of votes as you and your white wine sipping, Marie Antoinette-like, know-it-all, meet-me-at-Elaine's, effete intellectual buddies. Isn't that appalling?Tom, you should be.
See you at the next Hillary Clinton fund raiser, Tom.
The United States Congress has decided it knows better than you. Again.
The Congress will not allow you to spend your own money playing cards.
Freedom is fragile. The "land of the free" became a little less so this weekend.
