BlueCarp

The proliferation of "organic" foods is the biggest scam since Gerber starting pimping life insurance for infants on late night television.

Target has boarded the "organic" train in an effort to squeeze extra cash out of yuppies with too much money. Wal-Mart already boarded the train in an effort to squeeze extra cash out of people that want to be yuppies with too much money.

Hey, if people want to eat food without pesticides let them eat worms. Tiny, microscopic worms buried deep in their "organic" apples that some gold old fashioned bug-killer would have taken care of.

If they want to eat food without preservatives, let their lettuce get all wilted the day after they put it in the crisper.

I have no scientific ability, but I grew up with a father with a Ph.D. in chemistry. What kind of chemistry? Organic chemistry.

To me, something is organic if it has a carbon atom as part of its molecular structure.

Nothing is more "organic" than a cow pie. No pesticides. No preservatives. And plenty of carbon atoms.

Forget real estate or the stock market. Throw some bite size Buffalo Chips into a shiny bag, label it "organic," put it on the shelf at Whole Foods and get rich.

Posted by BlueCarp at 02:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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Lance Williams and Mark Fainaru-Wada are the two reporters that have done an excellent job proving Barry Bonds has used illegal steroids.

Part of their investigation, however, used sealed grand jury testimony. They have been ordered by a judge to reveal how they obtained this testimony. Whoever gave it to them has broken the law.

Williams and Fainaru-Wada promised their source confidentiality. The judge has promised to put them in jail if they do not reveal their source.

They are free for now pending an appeal.

This situation has caused much consternation among journalists. How, they ask, can they do their jobs if the can not protect their sources?

The (Portland) Oregonian, sums it up in an editorial dated September 24, 2006:

This case cuts to the very heart of what reporters do. If investigative reporters such as Williams and Fainaru-Wada can no longer keep their promises of confidentiality to their sources, then sources of information everywhere will be afraid to speak to reporters. The public will be less informed; the press will be less free.

Ah, but this argument is based on a completely false premise.

The Oregonian laments that reporters "can no longer keep their promises of confidentiality."

But they can. They may have to go to jail to do so, but they can keep their promise.

There are many arguments in favor of protecting reporters from revealing sources, even if they are protecting a law breaker. Saying that reporters will be "unable" to protect those sources, however, is wrong.

Posted by BlueCarp at 08:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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Kim Etheredge, Terrell Owen's publicist, spoke at the press conference yesterday at the Dallas Cowboys' headquarters.

She said Owens did not try to commit suicide. In support of her statement, she said "Terrell has 25 million reasons why he should be alive." This is in reference to his three year, $25 million contract with the Cowboys.

This is an ignorant, flip, and completely inappropriate comment.

Rich people are not immune to mental illness.

Posted by BlueCarp at 07:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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So Terrell Owens says he didn't try to commit suicide. I'll take his word for it.

His explanation is a little odd, however. He claims he mixed a few pain killers with all-natural supplements. This made him non-responsive and groggy.

it reminds me of when Richard Pryor explained the time he almost burned himself to death by free basing cocaine. According to Richard, what actually happened was that he mixed cookies with whole milk and skim milk. Richard was joking. Terrell isn't.

Posted by BlueCarp at 07:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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In no particular order, and in no particular hurry, I am in the process of reading all of Chuck Palahniuk's fiction.

Like most people, Fight Club was the first Palahniuk book I read. I loved it and still do. 

Since then, I have read Diary, Survivor, Choke, and most recently, Haunted.

Haunted, his most recent novel, is disappointing. Palahniuk has decided to forego satire and mimicry of our superficial culture and has gone for gross out gags instead.

As far as I'm concerned, that's not growth. That's regression.

In the afterword, he brags about how many people have passed out during his readings from the book. That, indeed is something of which to be proud....

if you are a sophomore in college on a camping trip.

Posted by BlueCarp at 06:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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Danish director Lars von Trier hates America.

I love his movies anyway.  He has no kind words for American capitalism. What sets him apart, however, from the typical Hollywood lefty - like Michael Moore or Oliver Stone or Sean Penn or Susan Sarandon, ad infinitum - is that he excoriates not only the American right, but the American left as well.

I wouldn't recommend either von Trier's Dogville or its sequel, Manderlay, to anybody. They are slow and contain the philosophical subtlety of a mouthful of raw horseradish.

But I like horseradish.

Movie critics usually love movies that bash America, no matter how slow or subtle.

Fahrenheit 9/11 has an approval rating of 84% (and 81% from the "Cream of the Crop" - the top critics) on the popular site RottenTomatoes. An Inconvenient Truth garnered ratings of 92% and 94%. Manderlay? Only 50% and 33%.

Why? "Fahrenheit" and "Truth" give the left a free pass. "Manderlay" does not.

Giv'em Hell, Lars.

Posted by BlueCarp at 08:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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The Pope, in a scholarly address at a university, quoted a fourteenth century exchange between a Christian Byzantine emperor and an Islamic Persian. The emperor said:

“‘Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.’”

This quotation has made many Muslims unhappy. A sampling of Islamic response:

"You and the West are doomed as you can see from the defeat in Iraq, Afghanistan, Chechnya and elsewhere.... We will break up the cross, spill the liquor and impose the 'jizya' tax (a tax on non-Muslims) then the only thing acceptable is a conversion (to Islam) or (being killed by) the sword."

---Al-Qaida, as reported by the Associated Press and printed on page 31A of today's Rocky Mountain News.

So, Al-Qaida agrees with the Pope's quotation. What's all the fuss?

Posted by BlueCarp at 07:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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An otherwise benign USA TODAY editorial was topped by an unfortunate headline.

It read "Pope's words spark violence." No, they did not.

Perhaps it is all a matter of perspective. If so, the headline writer has the wrong one.

It is as if, in a domestic abuse matter, a headline writer wrote "Wife Provokes Husband With Her Mouth." With, perhaps, a subhead of "She Just Wouldn't Shut Up."

Of course, such a perspective is offensive. It is nonetheless so when dealnig with the Pope's comments and the reaction of some hate-filled thugs looking for an excuse to kill, maim, burn or otherwise act anti-socially.

Here is a new rule: It is not appropriate to react violently to an insult. Ever. No exceptions.

If you do, you forfeit your right to live in a civilized society. You should be in jail. I do not care what your religion is.

Posted by BlueCarp at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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The National Football League is looking out for us.

The league has asked its teams to refrain from playing “Rock and Roll Pt. 2” during games. According the Denver Broncos preseason game program, the request was made due to “controversy surrounding the song’s creator.”

That is one way of putting it. Another is to say that the song’s creator, Gary Glitter, was recently convicted in Vietnam for having sex with underage girls.

Fair enough. The NFL does not sanction child molestation. Good for them.

But where does this reasoning end?

The Broncos continue to play songs that either advocate questionable behavior or are performed by people of questionable character. If they really have our best interests at heart, the NFL should strengthen its stand. It should lengthen its list of banned songs.

It’s for the kids.

The Broncos, during a preseason game this year, played Motley Crue’s “Dr. Feelgood.”

The NFL’s music police must believe that the sale and use of illegal narcotics is hunky-dory.

Dr. Feelgood is not an orthopedic surgeon.

Put the Crue on the list.

The team has also played “Cali is Active” by Tha Dogg Pound.

The Dogg Pound features Mssrs. Snoop Dogg, Daz and Kurupt. (I do not believe these are the birth names of these gentlemen.)

But whatever their respective given names, each of these gentlemen was, or at least claims to have been, a member of the Crips. Gang membership is also, apparently, okay with the NFL.

If not, put Tha Dogg Pound on the list. And get them a spelling tutor.

What other questionable songs have been played by the Broncos this preseason?

* “Hells Bells” by AC/DC. Unless devil worshipping is NFL approved, put AC\DC on the list. Otherwise, we are on a highway to hell.

* “Great Balls of Fire” by Jerry Lee Lewis. How can they play Jerry Lee after banning Gary Glitter? Jerry Lee had a sexual relationship with this 13 year old cousin. Of course, as he pointed out at the time, at least he had the decency to marry her first. I don’t think that’s enough. Put him on the list.

* The Denver Bronco cheerleaders dance to “All Jacked Up” by redneck woman Gretchen Wilson.

The titular “Jack” is “Daniels” and the song is about getting really drunk, bar fighting and wrecking your car. You know, good old-fashioned, wholesome fun. Apparently, these are  NFL approved activities. If not, Gretchen goes on the list.

* “I’ve Been Everywhere” by Johnny Cash. If you didn’t know before the movie, now you do – Cash was a notorious womanizer and pill popper. Where else can The Man in Black go? He can go on the list.

If the NFL truly wants to a make a stand, they won’t have many songs from which to choose. Piety has a price. Of course, so does hypocrisy.

Posted by BlueCarp at 01:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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The Vatican announced today that the canonization process of Notre Dame football coach Charles Weis would be put on hold.

A spokesman for The Vatican said the timing of the announcement had nothing to do with the Fighting Irish' 47-21 defeat at the hands of the secular Michigan Wolverines.

"We periodically review those nominated for sainthood, and it appeared that Weis' nomination had been mistakenly put on the 'fast track.'" Cardinal Shamus O'Herlihy said. "We are simply correcting the earlier mistake and putting the nomination back in line with the others nominated for sainthood.

"Of course, losing at home by such a wide margin, especially when the Irish were favorites coming into the game, does the coach no favors with either Jesus or the alumni," O'Herlihy said.

No further statements on the matter are expected from the Holy See.

Posted by BlueCarp at 06:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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The Pope has created a furor in the Muslim world. What did he do? According to the Associated Press:

"The pope made his remarks on Islam in a speech Tuesday at the University of Regensburg. He quoted from a book in which 14th-century Byzantine Christian Emperor Manuel II Paleologos and a Persian have a conversation about truths of Christianity and Islam.

"'The emperor comes to speak about the issue of jihad, holy war,' Benedict said. 'He said, I quote, "Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."' Indicating the delicate nature of the topic, Benedict said 'I quote' twice before reading passages about Islam, and he described them as 'brusque.' However, he neither explicitly agreed with nor repudiated the passages."

So, the Pope quoted a discussion about Islam without commenting on it. The Muslims are very angry at this.

Salih Kapusuz, a Turkish party leader, said "He is going down in history in the same category as leaders such as (Adolf) Hitler and (Benito) Mussolini."

Wow. And the Pope has not killed anybody. Or started any wars.

And if Kapusuz wants to mention historical mass murderers, how could he leave out Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden?

Just think.... if the Muslim world had reacted so unanimously in condemning the terrorist attacks of September 11, maybe the world would be a better place today.

At least this time, unlike the incident involving the Danish cartoons, no Muslim has resorted to violence to prove how peaceful the religion is. At least not yet.

Posted by BlueCarp at 05:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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I spent a long weekend in Minnesota with the wife and our beautiful little girl. The Mrs. wanted to visit a college friend who recently had her own little girl. So, off we went.

I had heard many things about the Mall of America in Minneapolis. I can confirm that it, indeed, is a huge big-ass mall with a rollercoaster inside the building. That's about all there is to it.

It was not nearly as impressive as I had imagined a huge big-ass mall should be. Imagine any mall you have ever visited. This one is exactly like that one, just bigger. And with a rollercoaster.

My wife, her friend, her friend's husband, our two little girls, another college buddy without a little girl, and the other college buddy without a little girl's sister met at The Rainforest Grill inside the huge-ass mall.

The Rainforest Grill is a high concept restaurant. The concept is to get tourists visiting the huge-ass mall to come in and spend money on incredibly average food. They execute this concept with huge fish tanks with huge fish and fake jungle vines and trees throughout the establishment.

The waitstaff are all dressed like The Crocodile Hunter. Every so often, a fake rain storm takes place inside the fake rain forest. There is lightning, thunder and angry monkey cries. Everything a fake rain storm in a fake rain forest needs except water, fake or otherwise.

I did my part in playing along with the concept. I ordered a margarita and paid extra to get the fancy glass with the flashing lights in the bottom. Actually, the fancy glass was not glass at all, but plastic. The flashing lights were real.

After the old college buddies were done reliving the glory days, we bid farewell to the college buddy without a little girl (but with a sister) and to the sister.

The check from the Rainforest Grill had this printed on it

For your convenience a 17% gratuity will be added to all groups of 6 or more.

In fact, it had been.

I have no problem with automatically charging a gratuity to large groups. The Crocodile Hunter does not need to be stiffed by groups of 6 or more. However, it is disingenuous to claim that this automatic gratuity is done "for my convenience." It is not done for my convenience, or any other tourist that has found himself inside a fake rainforest nestled into a corner of a huge-ass mall.

The automatic gratuity is there so the Crocodile Hunter does not get stiffed by groups of 6 or more. Embrace the truth, denizens of the rain forest, embrace the truth.

Posted by BlueCarp at 09:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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The Boulder County District Attorney has let John Mark Karr walk away. Despite his creative confession, his DNA does not match that found at the scene of the crime.

Ignoring these inconvenient truths, "nationally known handwriting examiner" Curtis Baggett still insists Karr wrote the ransom letter at the scene.

"He may not have murdered the girl. We don't know that. I just believe he wrote the letter," Baggett said.

This is what summer camp youth coaches like to refer to as "a teaching moment."

Let's use poker as an example. (I know summer camps for kids don't yet teach poker, but just wait. This example is ahead of its time.)

You might think you have the absolute best hand before the flop, and you bet a lot of money on that belief. After the flop, you slowly realize that things have now changed.

You can either cling desperately to your original belief or you can acknowledge the truth.

Mr. Handwriting Expert should fold. Instead, he stares at his cards, hoping they will change. They never do.

Posted by BlueCarp at 06:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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